I want to walk on stilts...naked
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
