Don't you send me to vm
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
