Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual