Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.