I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos