Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it because I queefed?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
