Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂