This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever