genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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