90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
