I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
