So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
