i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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