thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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