She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
