don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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