I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
