He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
