if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He felt like a one man threesome
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
not ubering you a puppy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
