He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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