ADVERTISEMENT

• (217): View more from Illinois

  My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

  Fav 5 1269 2278

  share tweet
  

• (510): View more from California

  I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.

  (1-510): View more from California

  It was probably Jesus.

  (510): View more from California

  I feel like he would have left a message.

  Fav 36 4800 1164

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (804): View more from Virginia

  Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men

  Fav 39 1539 2832

  share tweet
  

• (585): View more from New York

  there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer

  Fav 7 1336 4252

  share tweet
  

• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.

  Fav 17 3170 1176

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins

  Fav 34 2033 4682

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (516): View more from New York

  Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

  Fav 24 7649 1967

  share tweet
  

• (208): View more from Idaho

  Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese

  Fav 4 5037 1302

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.

  Fav 13 3920 1522

  share tweet
  

• (303): View more from Colorado

  It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on

  Fav 4 1892 808

  share tweet
  

• (601): View more from Mississippi

  Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though

  Fav 25 1815 3316

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (647): View more from Ontario

  So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.

  Fav 2 1160 672

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.

  Fav 5 535 952

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.

  Fav 2 878 522

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (850): View more from Florida

  I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.

  Fav 2 435 563

  share tweet
  

Randomize