Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize