The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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