This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
