Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
