yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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