you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
it glows. i had to have it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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