The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
