Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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