just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
