You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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