Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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