He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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