She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
