Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
