Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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