If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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