I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
