Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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