so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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