So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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