somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
