I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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