so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
and you fell through a lawn chair
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
