so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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