Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
