i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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