please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
