this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
