Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
