so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Alive.
So much puke
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
