Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
