its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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