What did we do last night that was yellow?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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