The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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