Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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