4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
