need another drink. this is the easiest way
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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