If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
