I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
