I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
