When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
