Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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