I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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