He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
