im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
