Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I want her autograph on my taint
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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