I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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