Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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